When I saw this blog topic, I got nervous. I couldn't think of something I did well enough to blog about. First of all, I don't want to brag or make anybody feel badly if I said I did something well and a reader feels he or she does not. But, really, I was stymied in coming up with something to say; writing skill or academic achievement doesn't really fit here.
Achievement has always seemed to come in spite of diabetes, not because of it. I had always considered myself a sub-par diabetic. I can't be perfect at diabetes, or even very good most of the time. Is that my fault, or is it diabetes' fault? It's probably a lot of the latter. I'm not used to getting praise for trying hard. I'm used to getting praise for being good at what I do, or not getting praise at all.
I've had a few excellent days with the range of my glucose results lately, however, including one day where none of my tests were above 8.5 or below 4.6. I attribute that to a sudden decrease in carbohydrates in my household, not necessarily to myself. I've just joined a gym, and I've gone and exercised almost every day since I did so, but maybe I could exercise more, or harder, even though I'm just getting re-started. I keep trying to frame this in a positive light about myself. It’s hard to do!
And then, I thought: but I *do* try. I try all the time. I'm good at trying with a condition that’s extremely trying. I made a decision to change the status quo, which was me taking a laissez-faire, backseat attitude to my diabetes, being okay with not testing often at all, using diabetes to lose weight, and I turned that around to the best of my ability. Okay, I don't test 20 times a day. I can't afford to. But I test four or five. I never miss a doctor's appointment, and I have many. I get my various parts checked as often as I'm supposed to. I take an active interest in keeping my pump settings current. I got involved. I could have happily stayed stuck in my rut, especially because I've gained weight since I started on the pump, and I hate that. But I took my A1c down from 9 to 7.3 in six months.
I'm not sure if I have "one great thing." I have room for improvement everywhere. But I made a change in my life, and I stuck to it. And at this point, I think that’s pretty great.
-Ilana
