Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Strips Do Lie (Stripkira Feat. Highclef Jean)


A while ago, I wrote a fairly popular post (called Liar) about the revelation that test strips could read +/- 20% of reality and still be within FDA guidelines; the idea was that this was one more lie that people with diabetes have to deal with (and, in fact, deal with it several times a day). When you don't know where your glucose level really is, how can you properly manage yourself? I hear that the FDA is welcoming public comments on their proposed new guidelines for safer meters and strips (you can read about it at StripSafely, here). While I doubt they would publish the following, I thought that I've already gone the angry route, so why not the lighter route?

In my college years, "Hips Don't Lie" was omnipresent at the clubs on party nights (here it is for reference). It popped into my head the other day, and I thought, your hips don't lie? Well, my strips DO lie! 

Thus, I present to you: "Strips Do Lie," by rising pop star Stripkira, featuring Highclef Jean (though a part of me wishes it were Notorious D.O.C.). I did the best I could with the song's incredibly loose meter and rhyme scheme (I hate slant rhymes, but the original's full of them!):

Blood up in here tonight,
No Error Fiving, no Error Fiving
Capillary action up in here
No Error Fiving, no Error Fiving

Strip Safely, Strip Safely

I never really knew that strips could fail like this
Turns my chart data into gibberish
Am I high (si) or low (si)
Or somewhere in the middle (who knows, si) -
Strip Safely, Strip Safely

Oh strippy when you read like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

And I’m low tonight
My strips do lie
And I’m starting to see the light
All the aggravation, the tension,
You must see this is short of perfection

Hey strip, I can see your numbers changing
And it’s driving me crazy
You don’t seem to know where you are ranging
Accuracy is hazy

And when you have such a margin of error
Nobody can ignore the way you treat my body, strip
And everything so unexpected – one-test it, two-test it
And oh the numbers so different

Hey strip, I can see your numbers changing
In a forty percent span
And so I don’t really know what I’m doing
I can’t seem to make a plan
My will and self-restraint
Have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but with bad info
That’s a bit too hard to calculate!

I never really knew that strips could fail like this
Turns my chart data into gibberish
Am I high (si) or low (si)
Or somewhere in the middle (who knows, si) -
Strip Safely, Strip Safely

Oh strippy when you read like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

And I’m low tonight
My strips do lie
And you know that isn't right
My life hangs on each injection,
You must see this is short of perfection

Oh you know I’m low tonight
My strips do lie
And it’s giving me a fright
If you’d be a little more accurate
Oh, I’d even change out my lancet

No Error Fiving
No Error Fiving
Strip Safely
Strip Safely

1 comment:

  1. RTFM! Paper insert that comes with each package of lancets, BG test meters etc... -Kirz

    ReplyDelete