Shakespeare is famous for astutely writing about the human condition, but I think it would be even more awesome had he written about the diabetic condition. One Wednesday's DSMA introduced the idea of Shakesbetes (the writer, not the hypoglycemic reaction). Since then, I've been thinking about various plays for the Shakesbetes Rep Company, exploring what a comedy or tragedy this condition can be. So in honour (or in dishonour) of Shakespeare's birthday today, here's a partial list:
‘Betes Andronicus: Tamora, upon hearing that the pie she has consumed was made from his own children, freaks out because she now has no idea of the pie’s carb count.
A Midsummer Night’s Low: four young people in love bitchily stumble around making poor choices as if drunk, for no apparent reason.
Hancet: Suspicious of the circumstances surrounding his father’s death, a young man bluntly needles everyone around him, running several of them through.
As You Spike It: Rosalind is a pizza, but she dresses up as salad to get closer to Orlando. He can’t figure out why she makes him feel so funny inside.
Twelfth Night Correction: A mother tests the BGs of her twin T1 children, Viola and Sebastian, twelve times over the course of the time she should be sleeping. After mistaking their readings for one another’s, she gives up and throws herself into the sea.
The Winter’s Fail: Furious at his meter’s inability to work in cold weather, Leontes orders it to be destroyed, but comes to repent his jealous decision. Features the famous stage direction: Exit, pursued by a carb.
Oh Hell No: Jealousy over who has the lower A1c grows toxic, and results in strangulation.
King Liver: When a ruling organ goes to divide his inheritance, he asks each hormone how much she loves him. Insulin says, “I love you according to my bond, which makes you more permeable to glucose and activates enzyme systems, helping you uptake and properly use sugar.” He disinherits her.
The Error Fives of Windsor: A madcap blood glucose sex comedy, wherein Falstaff fails to get either the girl or a correct reading.
The Merchant of Medicine: A pharmaceutical company demands its pound of flesh when Antonio cannot produce his insurance policy. (The Merchant of Menace?)
Much Ado About Nothing: Is Beatrice having complications, is she Real People Sick, or is she just tired? Whatever it is, Benedick is going to get an earful.
The Comedy of Errors: When a pair of twins, one a T1 and one a T2 diabetic, are mistaken for each other, “hilarious” misconceptions and judgments ensue.
Love’s Labour’s Lost in Measure for Measure: An A1c just won’t come down, no matter how much work our protagonist puts in to a regimen.
Something tells me funding for the Shakesbetes Rep Company may be limited. But that’s okay. All’s well that ends well.