A Breakup Song

Once in a while, I ask myself, “Self, how do I launch you into international music fame?” Successful musicians capture the attention of their audience by singing about relatable and universal themes. Adele, I’m told, did spectacularly well with a heart-wrenching album full of break-up songs. I was thinking about this. Now, my audience here is primarily diabetics and those who love them. So what better album to drop than a bunch of old-fashioned pancreas break-up songs?

My first single off the album is “The Pancreas I Used To Know,” with very sincere apologies to Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know” (original song here, if you’re one of the two people who haven’t heard it- see what I mean, breakup songs = international fame!)

Now and then I think of when we were together

You self-corrected for each piece of cake or pie

Told myself I’d always be this free

And you’d be a functioning part of me

Now high blood glucose causes aches that might dismember

You can get addicted to a functioning endocrine system

It was a thing I didn’t think I had to attend

But with a random fasting test

I knew you had been laid to rest

And I’ll admit that I freaked out when we were over

But you didn’t have to cut me off

Crap out like I just malfunctioned and then you were nothing

I didn’t ask for constant love

But right now you’re trying to kill me and that’s kind of tough

You didn’t have to stoop so low

Now my glucose is so high you really changed my numbers

I really don’t need that, oh

Swearing at that pancreas I used to know

Think about that time when my immune system screwed me over

Other people thinking it could only be what I had done (that poor Type 1)

No, I don’t want to live this way

Poking at my body every day

Why did you have to up and go?

I can’t help but feel betrayal from this pancreas I used to know

But you didn’t have to cut me off

Crap out like I just malfunctioned and then you were nothing

I didn’t ask for constant love

But right now you’re trying to kill me and that’s kind of tough

You didn’t have to stoop so low

Now my glucose is so high you really changed my numbers

I really don’t need that, oh

Swearing at that pancreas I used to know

Swearing at that pancreas I used to know

…I think I’m going to have to work a bit harder for international fame. Maybe Blünt Lancet will sign me?

-Ilana